No, You're the Asshole

Let me start by saying that I have never been a big fan of ARod. I never wanted the Yankees to get him, but hell, the man is an incredible baseball player no matter what I think of him personally. As anyone who hasn't been living in the Congo knows, it turns out that ARod used steroids between 2001 and 2003 (at least). Once again, I need to say it: So What? Why is this such a big deal?

I can't tell you how many times I've heard the expression, "Well, [insert players name] knows that [insert sport here] is a business" whenever a player is getting cut or traded. Owners and GMs will do almost anything to win. They'll cut or veteran players who have played their hearts out for a team. They'll give up on young players before they have a chance to prove themselves. Anything. As long as the team remains profitable. But when a player tries to get an advantage to make himself more profitable and get paid, this is a problem.

If we, as fans have to accept the fact that baseball is indeed a business, then we have to accept that everyone involved is, in his own way, a businessman. ARod did the equivalent of bankers giving out bad loans in hopes of a personal payout. People will judge ARod and people will hate on him a ton. He made a raitonal choice: the risk of taking steroids did not did not outweight $25 million per year. I'm sure whoever came up with that headline figured the risk of public insulting someone did not outweigh the notoriety he would get in his job. But I ask of anyone willing ot cast judgement: If you knew you could get $25 million per year for the next decade, but you had to take steroids, wouldn't you at least consider it?

Michael Phelps, Rockin the Ganj

Michael Phelps is pretty much the man. He has 14 Gold Medals, 7 world records and was born 31 days before yours truly. I've graduated college, that's about it. Now Phelps has experimented with the most deadly drug in the world, marijuana. The drug that automatically makes you try heroin within seconds of inhalation. The drug that has been the scourge of the inner cities since the 1980s. The drug that will make you bigger, faster, stronger and get you into professional sports. The drug that you can get from a doctor and then sell to all your friends who want to stay up late and study for finals. Oh wait, none of those things are pot. My damn memory's going....

There's an old saying that you can't judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes. Fair enough. So, anyone who wants to start throwing stones at Phelps, feel free to do so, but remember, you have to walk a mile in his shoes. You have to imagine being the most famous swimmer in the history of the sport. You have to imagine being the person who made millions tune into the Olympics even though doing so would be tacit acceptance of China (ew, gross). You have to imagine having broken Mark Spitz's record for individual gold medals in one Olympics. You have to imagine having done all this and being 23 years old. I wish I could be a criminal like Michael Phelps.

Everyone needs to back the fuck up. The dude toked a bong at a party, the reefer equivalent of taking a shot of Cuervo someone hands you even though tequila makes you sick. Yea, I know he's a role model and kids look up to him. It is parents' responsibilities to make sure their kids aren't smoking pot (or maybe to make sure they are smoking pot to aid them in winning 14 gold medals - think about it); so sucks to that argument. Yea, he broke the law. I broke the law about 20 minutes ago, I was going 55 in a 40 zone and that endangered a lot more youngins than Michael Phelps. This incident is perhaps the greatest argument for the legalization of marijuana. The United States, where pot is illegal but the President, a Supreme Court Justice, and its most famous athlete have toked. The United States, land of free, home of the hypocrites.